Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Living through the End of the World II

Our End of the World Survival 101 continues with HER version. If you have the patience to follow me to the end (of this post, not of the world), you’ll most likely agree that women get a better deal when the apocalypse comes.
For once, you’ll have more choices. One—and probably the one you’re hoping for—is that you are the stunning beauty + nuclear scientist who’s a perfect genetic match to the Achilles in the first installment. Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen. If you’re both so perfect, you will have reached a genetic dead end. There’s nowhere for you to evolve, so probably you won’t even be able to breed. That’s why mother nature will go with this model:

But don’t despair! Here’s your chance to pig out, as you’ll need those fat reserves. Let’s see what fashion models have to say when you’ll be comfortably living off the fat stored during months of entirely pleasurable eating.
Another chance would be given to you if you are the future mother of some great hero. I only have empirical knowledge here, so all I can say is that you need moderately good looks and nothing special. YOU are not special, but your offspring will be. Especially if his father looks like Will Smith and acts like the characters played by Will Smith.
The last possibility I’m going to discuss here is you being slightly overweight and generally not noticeable. However, all you need is to take off your glasses, change into designer clothes and put on some make up, and you’re Jessica Alba. Of course, designer clothes, high quality make up and make-over counselors will be widely available (free of charge) during the end of the world. As you can see, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about here. The more insignificant you feel now, the more chances you have to be the last woman standing. And talking about procreation, in scientific terms, to be sure, here’s what nature has prepared for you:

No comments:

Post a Comment