The Advantages and Disadvantages of Being a Scrabble Wife

A fellow blogger posted the following question for debate:
“If there were no prize money in Scrabble, would you play as many tournaments as you do now, fewer tournaments, or none at all?”

I must say, that was a tough one. I mean, what would I do without all the money Adrian has made playing Scrabble? I’d probably have to give up my Hermes bags, my Prada shoes, my VanClef and Arpels jewelry and… oh, no, that would be too much, even my personal chauffeur! No, I don’t think I could be married to a man who made absolutely no money playing Scrabble. I know, it sounds extremely superficial, but a girl must look out for herself if she wants to survive in this cruel world.



Now, since I started talking about this profitable business, let me enumerate the advantages and disadvantages of being a Scrabble wife (or a Scrabble widow, as Paul brilliantly put it).

Advantages:

1. All the above-mentioned luxury items. Feel free to look at them at leisure in the shop windows or to browse the internet.
2. You will always have a dictionary handy. I mean, if you are sitting on the toilet and feel the incontrollable urge to know what “wymote” or “grihastha” means, all you have to do is stretch your arm and pick up the dictionary from the shelf. Then you can truly relax.
3. When your husband refuses to accompany you on meetings with your friends (and what can be more delightful than that?), at least you can excuse him and say that he’s training for the next competition.
4. Your husband will never complain if you spend an entire day at a beauty parlor: he would be too absorbed in his games/word study to notice that you’re not there. On the contrary, he would be happy that the usual buzzing which seems to float in your bedroom has gone. Also, considering his high winnings, he won’t ask you how much your new red highlights cost.

Disadvantages:

Honestly, I can’t think of any. I mean, what more can you wish for after you’ve seen the look of pure envy on your friends’ faces when you tell them that your husband is a Scrabble champion? Can anything compare with the bliss of hugging your husband after he’s won a game, you know, one of the “Rocky-Adrian” moments? (And yes, in this case I’m Adrian, not Rocky, although my husband’s name is Adrian.)
Is anything better than knowing that you can buy another sapphire necklace (and I’m only saying sapphire because I don’t like diamonds) using the latest check he has won at Scrabble, even if he only finished in top 60?
No, I’m telling you, Scrabble is a marvelous game, 100% recommended if you’re a shopaholic, brand-freak and luxury aficionado. We are so lucky that Bill Gates didn’t discover it before Microsoft made him famous, because now we would be talking about the Scrabble Empire and brand monopoly and we, poor mortals, wouldn’t be able to enjoy its benefits like we’re doing now.

Coming up next: How to Date a Scrabble Player 101