Do you want your life to improve dramatically? Do you want to live in the lap of luxury? Do you want to spend your free time (which will actually be most of your time, unless you have to see your beauty counselor or personal stylist) on tropical beaches and cruises in the Caribbean? (Depending on the circumstances, Johnny Depp may be part of the package.)
If you’ve answered yes to at least one of the above, then all you have to do is date (or marry) a Scrabble player. I did and the result can be observed (and admired) below.
However, if you do decide to take this huge step, there are a few things you should keep in mind.
1. Pretend to be in raptures when your hubby tells you how he played ATROPINES for 149 points. Don’t tell me you don’t feel the thrill of that! It’s better than bungee jumping, I’m telling you.
2. Words such as TURGIDER, URCEOLI, CHOREGI or GENIZAH should be part of your current vocabulary.
3. Don’t even think that Jon Bon Jovi may be sexier than Nigel Richards. What, you don’t know who Nigel Richards is? Go home and do your homework before visiting this site again!
4. Be prepared to accept that word lists make as good interior decorations as any. I mean, who needs a Faberge egg when you can have the complete set of four-letter words spread out in your living room?
5. Be confident that if someone were to break into your house or attack you in the street, your Scrabble player’s steel biceps, fortified by months of carrying and lifting the Scrabble Dictionary, will be more than capable to protect you.
6. Of course… to be continued.